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*rolls ups sleeves to shoulders going elbow-deep into ur bullshit*

alright listen up u mongoose. mental illness is not a get-out-free card catch-all. it is not a hall pass. it is something unfortunate that a lot of people suffer everyday, and a lot of disorders are incurable, so these people learn to live with them. they struggle, yes, but they live.

personally, i have never had PTSD. my dad, a war veteran, has, and i can assure u it is no walk in the park, even from a second-hand experience. 

u know who else on this show has PTSD? bellamy blake. jasper jordan. literally every single character, for different reasons. u know which characters are being demonized by the fandom (more than most) right now? bellamy blake. jasper jordan. arguably two of the most obvious examples of PTSD. but oh, no, they’re just being whiny, or just need to get over it, or just need to die/get their ass kicked. 

as far as clarke leaving because of her mental health, i get that, i absolutely understand. i understand why she had to leave. i even understand why she didn’t leave polis immediately when she could. i would never begrudge somebody putting their mental health above others.

but here’s the thing; a lot of mental illnesses make u selfish. u can’t help it; the disorder takes over ur brain, overshadowing everything, sometimes even twisting ur thoughts and perceptions. it becomes impossible for u to think of others, to think of the repercussions of ur actions, to put other people first.

my mother has had bpd (bipolar disorder) for as long as i have been alive. she goes from manic to depressed in the span of one day, and everything quickly becomes the Katie Show. from when we woke up to when we went to bed, we’d tiptoe around her, worried that anything we said or did might set her off–because during her episodes, nothing else mattered. she became the center of the universe. she would say or do something abusive, and we were supposed to just excuse it, because it was her disorder–not her. and in the morning she’d just pretend like nothing happened, like she didn’t say those hurtful things, or throw things at our heads, like she didn’t do anything wrong, because it was easier that way. only her feelings mattered. that is what a lot of disorders do.

so no, i don’t blame clarke for leaving, but it absolutely does not excuse how her leaving affected those that cared about her. she abandoned them, whether or not her intentions were pure, and she came waltzing back into their lives just expecting everything to be perfect. she expected everyone to move on and fix themselves in her absence, which was naive, and self-centered. 

when bellamy saw her for the first time this season, his first reaction was to try to save her. he did everything in his power to get to her, to make sure she was safe, because that was what mattered; her safety. 

when clarke comes to him, and the first thing she does is say he made a mistake (which he did), of course he becomes defensive. because she made mistakes too, but she got to walk away from them. she might have carried them around with her on the inside, and punished herself on her own, but bellamy was forced to face their mistakes every single day. clarke said she couldn’t see their faces because it would remind her of what she did–but what about bellamy? u really think seeing jasper every day, regressing more and more, sinking even further into his hole, calling bellamy every horrible thing that bellamy has ever called himself–u think that wasn’t punishment? u think it wasn’t even worse, that he had to face it alone, without the only other person who truly understood what he was going through? (i’m discounting monty in this because monty didn’t see bellamy’s breakdown at the depot and so he doesn’t know the intensity of bellamy’s self-hate.)

so for clarke, the only person that he thinks can understand, to completely reject him–not once but twice–u really think someone as emotional and hotheaded as bellamy isn’t going to break at that? u think he’s going to let that stand?

yes, he was maybe too loud and aggressive about it, but nothing that he said was wrong. and he never discounted his own flaws, never said he didn’t make mistakes, because he did, and he knows she knows that already. he’s just making sure she recognizes her own–which is, in my opinion, a good thing. until now, clarke had no idea how her leaving had affected anyone, because she hadn’t even thought about it. 

so don’t come at me with ur pseudo-social justice you’re so ableist! nonsense when clearly u don’t actually care. clearly this fandom could give a shit about people who suffer from mental illness, with the way they’ve been treating jasper and bellamy. newsflash: not everybody reacts to their disorders and trauma the same way. and not everybody has the opportunity to go play wood elf princess in the woods for 3 months. bellamy gave clarke that opportunity, and the first thing she does is abandon him, again (in polis). 

now this is not me saying clarke needs to be his babysitter, or that she’s his only conscience, or whatever nonsense yall are about to pull out of this frankly bitter-as-fuck post. i’m saying that when u leave a friend, to go take care of urself (which is fine), u better not show up again and just act like nothing happened.

bellamy understood why clarke had to leave. he got that. he let her go because he knew it was what she needed, and i believe he 100% did not begrudge her that. what he doesn’t understand is why, when she’s finally back, she isn’t actually back. she didn’t go back to their people. she went (unwillingly, but it’s not like he knows that) to their enemy. lexa may be their ally now, but the last interaction bellamy had with her was when she abandoned them in mt. weather to die. she didn’t even ask how he was, or how their people was. it was like she didn’t even care. (we know she did, but he doesn’t, in fact he’s clearly pretty sure she doesn’t.) 

clarke acts like she’s done nothing wrong, like nothing’s changed while she was gone, because she was gone, and that’s bullshit. it’s easier to just pretend that ur actions have no consequences, and she’s gotten so good at that, at disassociating, that it takes bellamy pointing it out for her to even realize. 

yall are acting like bellamy only made these choices because clarke wasn’t there, but that’s not completely true. she might not have even been able to stop him, if how she’s acting so far is any indication. she might have just set him off sooner. in reality, bellamy and pike consider killing those grounders to be an act of war, because they think they’re still at war. actual war does that to u. my dad can’t be around fireworks without freaking out. he once was pickpocketed by some guy in paris, and he nearly choked him out right there on the sidewalk without even realizing it. so yeah, bellamy’s a little fucked up. he still thinks he’s in a fight for survival. is this completely accurate? of course not. his and pike’s and everyone else in pike’s little milia, their perceptions have been distorted–because u know who else has PTSD? bellamy.

in fact, it could even be argued that pike has PTSD. they landed and immediately were involved in some brutal war against an enemy they didn’t know or understand. they had to watch their children get mowed down in front of them. i’d say that’s pretty traumatic.

does that excuse all of pike’s ensuing bullshit? of fucking course not, and no one’s arguing that it does. so why is it different for clarke? (obviously i know she hasn’t done anything on the same level as pike, but yall act like she’s this fluffy lil cupcake when she’s not?? clarke has done fucked up things?? stop treating her like a child. she hasn’t been a child since she was sent down to die.)

so yes, clarke needed to be called out. just like jasper does. just like bellamy does. u can understand a person’s actions without excusing them. likewise u can defend a character, without condoning every mistake they have ever made. i’m not saying bellamy has never made mistakes, big fucking mistakes. i’m saying he doesn’t deserve to be demonized or killed for them, when literally every other character on this show has fucked up, too. bellamy has arguably saved more lives than he’s taken. stop purposefully forgetting that.

u can hate bellamy blake all day long, idgaf. but don’t try coming into my inbox with bellamy hate and expect to get off scott-free. especially not with this hypocritical nonsense. 

#bye thelonious